After each of my last few children, I've been asked this question! When I think about this question, I believe they are asking if I've reached the family size I wanted.
My answer is always, I really don't know! I have no idea if God will bless us with another child. At this point, I'm hoping and praying that we are finished with this phase of our life, but I really don't know! I do know that if it had been up to me, we would have been "done" several children ago! But when I look at the children God has blessed us with since then, I can't imagine life without them! Even Esther!
This question comes with a new dimension to it now that we have Esther. It could almost be taken as "Now see what you've done - you've kept having kids until your are over 40 and gotten what you deserved! Aren't you done yet? Haven't you learned you lesson?" Wow - that's harsh isn't it! This is something I really want to talk about - Esther and God's design for our family.  But that will be another post all by itself!
So, am I done? Am I done trusting God? Am I finished with believing that God knows what's best for me and my family? Do I have all the kids I wanted? No!
Trusting God...that's what it boils down to for me -am I willing to trust God to work in my life? This is HUGE! This isn't just about birth control - it's about everything for me. Do I trust God to give me the strength for today? Do I trust God to work everything for my good? Can I trust God even when things don't make sense and they hurt? Yes, most definitely yes! But am I able! That's the catch! Trust doesn't come easy, but everytime I get fearful, I remind myself to look back at the tough times in my life and see how God was working through those times to draw me to Him and develop things in me that could not possible be developed or learned through easy times! Then I know that I can trust God to carry me through and that what is happening in my life has come because God deemed it to be best for me!
Have I reached the family size I wanted? Not really - I wanted a large family - like 5 kids! So actually we are way past that! For me, it's not what I want, but what God has planned for me!
Will I have more children? I have no idea! My pregnancy with Esther was the most difficult yet, and her birth was downright scary. I'm now facing the challenges of raising child with special needs. Will this change anything? If I let it, it will - it will make me fearful, worried, and distrustful. Am I going to let it? No - I still trust God with my whole life! Will I pray for more children? No, I'm not...I'm leaving that in His hands.
Do I think I might be done? Now that's a good question - yes, we might not have anymore babies - I'm not getting any younger, and I had many signs that my childbearing years will be over soon. But only time will tell.
All I know and all I can do right now is Trust in God. For the big things and the little things. I know I'm in good hands!
From my perspective......God gave me the intellectual imperative to make choices too. I could feed my children junk and "trust God" with their health.....but I feel a spiritual responsibility to make a choice about eating good food. It certainly doesn't insure their health but I feel compelled to make that choice anyway....and THEN trust God with their health.
ReplyDeleteGod gave me the ability to choose how to mirror and serve him. I feel very close to God when I make choices because he is trusting me too......to grow in his image in my unique way. I do not eat as much food as is before me, I do not keep all the money I make, I buy very few things.... I certainly do not look at my choice to control family size as a means to avoid the difficulties of childrearing. Goodness....it only takes one child to drive someone crazy! There are simply some things I want to do with my children, spouse and community that I can't do if I'm overloaded.
I just had my third baby at 42 and I feel as excited and energetic as if I was 22! It's that quality I want to keep intact for my family. I pray about my choices with God in order to be as much a blessing to my family as they are to me! I do not feel compelled to take everything God offers to me......just to be profoundly thankful to Him for the offer.....
You are an incredible person to share yourself in your blog. I really admire you!
Colleen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your perspective! I do agree that we need to carefully/prayerfully make decisions about how much to eat and feed our children, and what we feed ourselves and our children, what kind of health care we provide for our children (for example whether or not to vaccinate), and how we spend out money, but all decisions should be made keeping God's principles in mind, as well as praying about decisions that are about the bigger things like money, health care, and planning for the future. I think the greatest thing I can leave with anyone, is to have them take the time to consider what God would have them do in their lives when it comes to their "family planning".
For some this might be adoption, others it might be reaching out to the "lost children' by becoming foster parents, and for others, it might be the way we are doing things.
I will not always be "overloaded" with my family, they will grow up and become less dependent. But in the meantime, there are many ways I can serve Him while caring for my family, but it takes creativity and thoughtfulness so that I balance serving Him here at home (as that is my first priority after living to bring glory to Him), and serving Him outside my home. I consider this blog to be one way I can do the latter, without even leaving home!
Ruth
You do all that and MORE......you make us wonderful diapers! I hope you are finding a minute here and there to also care for yourself.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear some people have said such callous things to you.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to debate views or convictions on such subjects but choose to respect others decisions on how to live their lives.
I know it is important to live according to our convictions. We can't expect non-believers to live according to our convictions, or even other Christians. There are very definite wrongs and rights in the bible and there is much that is left to personal convictions and interpretations.
I for one choose to not put my personal convictions on others and it would be nice if people were more tactful when they choose to voice their opinions. Try not to take it to heart and remember that you are living according to your convictions and how you feel the Lord has led you and that is what is important.
I love you.
"I'm now facing the challenge of raising a child with special needs" - the same transformation happened to me when my 3rd child was diagnosed as having Down syndrome. Suddenly I wasn't just a parent but a parent of a child with special needs. Of course, all of our children are special, really. I hope that the road runs as smooth as possible for you and for Esther. Life's tapestry is that much more interesting because there are flaws in it.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry people have mean things to say also! Why would people be mean? You are not being mean about their choice to use BC so why would they be mean about yours? People who are being mean dont get the chance to enjoy your family so they are missing out and pushing their beliefs.
ReplyDelete