Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Hanging by a Thread, Holding Tight to Him

I just sent out this email to my adoption newsletter recipients, and thought I'd copy and paste here.  I am really open and honest here, and I know that I fall short in so many ways, but I  know that God uses sinful, failing humans.  I don't deserve His grace, but He knows me inside and out and still loves me fiercely.

Dear friends,

The past week or so has been full of up and downs and so many challenges.  First of all, last Wednesday we got our travel dates and booked our flights and reserved our hotel rooms.  We will be traveling to get Christy the first week of May.  Yes, May.  I went from a near frenzied excitement and packing 'just in case' we would travel soon....we were hoping and praying....but God had a different, and we trust better, plan for us.  We would leave in 7 weeks, not 7 days...After shedding more than a few tears of disappointment, my good friends and family helped me to remember that this is God's perfect plan for Christy and for us.  Trust and obey.  Keep moving in and make the most of each day, right?  We will be gone for exactly 13 days!

So I started formulating plans of things to do in the meantime....you know, nesting.  God chose a different course for us this week.  That very day Carese walked off our yard without anyone noticing.  Long story short we quickly figured out she was missing and soon we had over 20 law enforcement cars/officers searching for her plus a helicopter.  It was getting dark when a local pastor friend of ours saw her asleep under a bush not far from our driveway, no harm done and only her hands were chilled due to her warm coat..  God, in His mercy, protected her and restored her to us.  Those were the longest,  hardest 2+ hours of my life - even harder than Esther's open heart surgery!  I struggled so hard with fear and cried out to my Lord with everything that I am.  I feel so undeserved of His grace when others suffer such great loos and severe mercies.  I did not sleep that night, and kept going in to check on Carese. She has been clingier since then, but otherwise back to her normal, busy, getting-into-trouble self. We will never now the whys  this side of heaven, but must trust in His sovereign love and care for us, His children. 

But God wasn't done yet.  Nope - my car broke down, Jessica's tooth abscess came back, and Esther started coughing Thursday, and I started breathing treatments.  After a rough weekend and one trip to the doctor she seemed to be doing a little better, bit by bedtime she was getting worse and worse.  We headed for ER at 11:00 pm.  I was right - pneumonia.  Right now we are still in ER waiting for a bed.

There have been other seemingly minor problems this week (like our dishwasher have a part break off and our truck's blinkers quit working again), but each one adds to sleep deprivation and emotions begin to get the better of me.  I keep reminding myself to trust God and find the good.  I admit, when I pulled over by the police justas I got off the freeway on the way to the hospital I was beginning to have a pity party.  Thankfully, the office could see that Esther was very sick and I explained about the signals not working (he pulled me over for not using my signals), he checked my ID and then let me go on. PHEW!

So, please pray for us.  For Esther for healing and good response to the antibiotics, for Daryl as he continues to work while his family is having challenges, for our children at home while I am away with Esther, and for Jessica's dental challenges (I wouldn't mind if you prayed for our cars too, as it will be hard to get the repairs done while I am away).

And, please pray for me as this week has challenged me more than any other.  I haven't slept in nearly 24 hours now.  I need to see God in everything and trust His will for me and seek to bring Him glory in every situation.  Easy said than done.  

Thank you so much for your loving support through the past 14 months and thank you in advance for your continued support and prayers as we prepare for bringing Christy home.  

So this is my last newsletter until we touch down in Bulgaria!

Love in Christ, hanging on by a thread, but holding tight to my Savior,


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